July 24, 2013

Why I drink after work

Ten o’clock was slowly approaching and I was more than ready to call it a day.  I had just verified a prescription for a patient’s Wellbutrin.  Five minutes later she came to the counter to pick up the medication and I couldn’t find it anywhere.  I had no idea where it was placed, but it was obvious that I didn’t place it in the correct bin.  I eventually found the prescription... in the refrigerator.  I am normally not this absentminded at work, but after a day like today, I’m surprised my brain didn’t shut itself off from overload.

*phone rings and technician answers call*
Technician to me:  What happens if you brush your teeth with permethrin (treatment for lice and scabies)?
Me:  What?
Technician:  Lady on the phone wants to know if that’s safe.
Me:  Huh?
Technician:  Her grandson accidentally brushed his teeth with a tube of permethrin cream.
Me:  Have her call poison control.

*phone rings and I answer*
Me:  Pharmacist, how may I help you?
Cracked out lady:  What’s the day and date?
Me:  Day and date of what?
Cracked out lady:  Today, what’s today’s day and date?
Me:  Today is the 24th
Cracked out lady:  But what day of the week is it?
Me:  Wednesday
Cracked out lady:  Are you sure?
Me:  Yes
Cracked out lady:  I knew it!  That’s what I thought, too.  I made a bet with a friend.  Thanks!  (hangs up)

*young guy comes to counter*
Guy:  What’s the best thing to flush out your system?
Me:  You mean as a cleanse?
Guy:  No, something to flush out weed.
Me:  I have no idea (I really want to tell him to drink a bottle of the laxative magnesium citrate)
Guy:  You don’t know?
Me:  No (and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you)
Guy:  I heard Niacin works well.
Me:  Okay?
Guy:  How much of it do I have to take?
Me:  I have no idea.
Guy:  Well, what I am supposed to do?
Me:  (QUIT DOING DRUGS!!)  Sorry, but I’m probably not going to be any help here.

*checking voicemail*
Nurse:  I just left a prescription for some suppositories, and I wanted to make sure it’s used vaginally and not orally.

*verifying prescription label for a cream*
Prescription reads:  Apply 1/16 inch (or 1.5 mm) of cream to affected area
Other pharmacist:  WTF?  Are we supposed to dispense a measuring tape with this?

*phone rings*
Me:  Pharmacist, how may I help you?
Cranky old man:  I need to speak to the pharmacy manager.
Me:  This is she.
Cranky old man:  No, I want to speak to a man.

*verifying prescription for Buspar (anti-anxiety med)*
Computer:  drug interaction with Energizer battery

*helping young girl at counter*
Girl:  I need the D.
Me:  Excuse me?  (How in the world am I going to be able to have a serious conversation with you after you just said that?)
Girl:  My doctor told me that I needed “something-D” and I have to get it from the pharmacist.
Me:  What are your symptoms?
Girl:  I can’t breathe because I am so stopped up.
Me:  (gets a box of Sudafed)  This is what you need.
Girl:  No, that doesn’t say D.
Me:  (oh, this is going to be fun)  D stands for decongestant.  Sudafed is a decongestant.
Girl:  No, my doctor said I needed “something-D”
Me:  (I’m not even going to argue with you and I just grab the closest pseudoephedrine product that ends in D)  Is this better?  It’s Claritin-D.
Girl:  Yes, that other stuff wasn’t what my doctor wanted.

*phone rings*
Me:  Pharmacist, how may I help you?
Cranky old man #2:  I was just there and that girl only gave me one of my prescriptions.
Me:  Sorry about that, what is your name?
Cranky old man #2:  John Smith.  I only got my inhaler, but I was supposed to get my blood pressure medicine, too.
Me:  Sir, our computer records show you picked up your blood pressure medicine last week.
Cranky old man #2:  NO I DID NOT!
Me:  (I’m busy and don’t have time to argue with you.  The cost of your medicine is not worth the hassle, so I’m just going to get it ready for you again.)  Okay, I will just get it ready again and you can pick it up at your convenience.
Cranky old man #2:  And you’re going to pay for my gas because this is your fault.
Me:  (I was going to give you your medicine for free as a courtesy since you lost what you picked up last week.  I am not paying for your gas.)  Sir, is there a number where I can call you back?  I need to check into this more.

I head to the office and put on my private detective hat.  After a little Nancy Drew work, I find the security video of him picking up the medication that he said he didn’t pick up last week.  I compare that video to the video of him in the store earlier today.  He is wearing the exact same clothes.

Me:  Sir, I just did a little researching, and we have video of you picking up your prescription here a week ago.
Cranky old man #2:  No you do not.
Me:  Yes sir.  It is definitely you in the video because you are wearing the exact same clothes as today (I describe to perfection what he was wearing).
Cranky old man #2:  Miss, I was not in your store at all until today.
Me:  Sir, I have you on video.
Cranky old man #2:  Well, that video is lying then.
**the rest of this conversation is irrelevant**

Now do you see why the Wellbutrin ended up in the refrigerator?

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