March 17, 2015

You people are crazy: Looking at you, BBN

Several months ago, I requested vacation for the entire month of March.  All because of basketball.  Because of course I did.  I’m the girl who traveled to the Bahamas to watch Kentucky play in exhibition games in August.  I’m the same girl who bought NCAA tournament tickets back in October.  I have this little massive spot in my heart for this thing called Kentucky basketball and March Madness brings a whole new level of excitement to my life.  And the excitement began this past weekend at the SEC tournament.  
This year the tournament was held in the Holy Land of Nashville, Tennessee, where you will hear Wagon Wheel and Chicken Fried no less than fifty times.  Maybe even more if you’re (un)lucky.  For a girl who loves all things not country, I had to put my Wiz Khalifa, Young Jeezy, and Tyga on hold for a few days… oh, the things I will do for Kentucky basketball.  Bridgestone Arena and Broadway were home to an estimated 50,000 Kentucky fans, all clad in their blue and white, and most without tickets to the games.  Thousands of fans just came to experience the environment and to be a part of something very special:  The Pursuit of Perfection.
After last years roller coaster ride through the season and tournament, UK came up short of their ultimate goal:  a national championship.  This prevented an exodus of players from leaving for the NBA, and most of the players stated they returned for one reason:  unfinished business.  Add in four uber talented freshman from the number one recruiting class and Coach Cal had something very special on his hands.  The Cats made it through the regular season unscathed, something that had not been done by a major conference team since Indiana in 1976.  It was now time to take that undefeated record into post-season play.

The SEC tournament has been my annual girls’ trip since 2008.  Every year brings unforgettable stories and this past weekend was no exception.  This year we bunked five girls and about 15 bags of luggage into a room at the Omni Hotel, which was just steps away from the arena and the Broadway debauchery.


This past SEC weekend felt like Groundhog Day and all of my memories just run together.  I really can’t separate the days from each other… so here’s a brief summary:  game at noon, Kentucky wins, woo-hoo, start drinking, hopefully eat, continue to drink, continue to drink, realize it’s only 7pm, woot woot, continue to drink, go to bed at some point (maybe), wake up with a smile, shower, game at noon, repeat.  
My sister said that our shenanigans from this weekend sounded like I have never ever left my house before.  I guess that's what Nashville does to you.  With that said, here are some of my favorite highlights from the trip:
***Our first line of business upon arriving at the hotel was taking a picture of our room number to ensure we would all safely return each night.  However, we did not all return each night.
***Our second line of business was getting a drink in hand.  We headed to Tin Roof and proceeded to drink for the next four hours on $20.25.  I think our bartender forgot to ring a few drinks.  Or thought we were cute.  Or just wanted a big tip.  Whatever, it worked.
***Hanging out with a white guy named Randall Cobb is fun because when you scream “Randall Cobb!” everyone stops and stares.  
***I went balls to the wall the first night.  I was in bed by 8pm the second night.  I am getting old.
***Dicks Restaurant is the best place for 16 people who have been drinking all day to eat because the waiters could be as mean to us as they wanted... being dicks is their M.O.  Our waiter somehow managed to keep us all everyone except Tina under control for several hours, and that is an amazing accomplishment.  He kept us 100% entertained with these completely inappropriate hats that he made us wear:
  • I spent a lot of money to look this cheap.
  • When I fart, my thong whistles.
  • The only A’s I ever got in college are in my bra.
  • 50 Shades of Grey broke my vibrator.
  • I was a butt double in Broke Back Mountain.
  • My girlfriend is inflatable.
  • My crotch is so dry that my crabs ride dirt bikes.
Yes, there were children sitting at the table next to us.  No, their Dad didn’t mind.  In fact, he wanted to hang out with us for the rest of the night.  I was not going to be the one explaining what a vibrator was to his eight year old son.
***I have the best mother in the world.  I’m in UK basketball la-la land and she’s worried if I took my trash tote out for the weekly trash pickup.
***My friend received this text message from a boy.  I will blame all my bad decisions this weekend on this guy:
“Getting all boozed up and making bad decisions is the code that I live by!!”
***Spooning with three girls in the same bed, with the girl in the middle having strep throat, was not one of my greatest life decisions.  Because spooning with someone different the next night is how you spread strep throat.
***I really wanted to hang out with my friend Britt and my cousin Kelleigh Saturday night, so I forced two guys I know to go to several bars with me to look for them.  Apparently the girls were at Roberts, which is next to Jacks.image
I still don’t know where Jacks is.  And we never found Roberts. 
***And those two guys?  THEY LEFT ME!  I then peed my pants.

***But I wasn't the only one to do that this weekend.  Apparently it was the cool thing to do. Just ask Tina.  
***Britt bought a ticket for the championship game from a scalper, only to find out it was a voided ticket at the door.  The arena officials were accommodating and allowed her to purchase a standing room only ticket, even though the event was sold out.  Britt bought the ticket, but that wasn't the solution she had in mind.  She left the arena, hunted down the scalper, received an upgraded ticket, a refund on the SRO ticket she just bought, and made the scalper walk her to the door to make sure her new ticket was legit.  And that is why I love her so much.
***Does this guy look like he made it to all three of our noon games?  He didn’t.image
***But UK did win the ‘ship.  And that made me a very happy little girl.
34-0... 6 more wins... in a row... this year.