Dogs don't have last names

Sometimes I feel like a broken record.  Other times I feel like I am on a merry-go-round going full speed.  I have so many conversations that make my head hurt that I’ve stopped counting.  But they make for great entertainment.  Seriously, I don’t even have to watch Chelsea Handler anymore to get my laughs... I just replay the conversations that I had that day, and that’s 100 times funnier than Sarah Colonna and Fortune Feimster could ever be.

Man dropping off prescription to be filled:

Me:  Have you had prescriptions filled with (drug store name) before?

Man:  No

Me:  Ok, what is your birthday?

Man:  January first

Me:  (waiting for him to give me the year... but he just stares at me)  And the year?

Man:  1970

Me:  I’m pulling up a match with an Apple Lane address?

Man:  No

Me:  Have you ever lived on Apple Lane?

Man:  No

Me:  What is your current address?

Man:  2000 Green Court in Summersville

Me:  Okay, do you have any allergies?

Man:  Why are you asking me all of these questions?

Me:  I need to get you registered in our computer system

Man:  I should already be in there... I just had a prescription filled here last week

Me:  You just told me you’ve never had prescriptions filled here before.  I’m not finding you with a Green Court address

Man:  I know.  I just moved... I used to live on Apple Lane

Me:  (am I speaking Greek?)  You just told me you have never lived on Apple Lane

Man:  Oh... I haven’t been listening to you

Man picking up prescription that was called in by a prescriber:

Me:  What is the name you are picking up for?

Man:  Buster

Me:  Buster?  Is that the last name?

Man:  That’s the only name

Me:  (confused)  What’s the last name?

Man:  Buster

Me:  So, the name is Buster Buster?

Man:  No, the first name is Buster

Me:  Ok, so what’s the last name?

Man:  There is no last name

Me:  There’s no last name?

Man:  No, the name is Buster

Me:  But I need a last name

Man:  Ma’am... this is a dog... dogs don’t have last names

Me:  Ok, I understand.  What is your last name?

Man:  Why do you need that?

Me:  I need a last name that we would have filed the prescription under

Man:  There is no last name

Me:  As the owner, what is your last name?

Man:  Smith.  But that’s not Buster’s last name.  Whoever heard of a dog having a last name?

Me:  (pull out prescription for Buster Smith)

Man:  Lady, this is not correct.  His name is not Buster Smith.  His name is Buster.  Period.  Dogs don’t have last names.

Me:  I have to have a last name listed

Man:  Why?

Me:  (is this the Spanish Inquisition?)  I just do.  Is it okay to use Smith as Buster’s last name, or would you like me to use a different last name?

Man:  (heavy sigh)  Dogs don’t have last names, but use Smith if you have to

Me:  Thank you (thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you)

Recent conversation with my sister while on vacation last week.  We were watching the hotel’s live nightly show, and the show opened with an exotic dancer from Venezuela:

Me:  She’s absolutely gorgeous

My sister:  Yes, yes she is

Me:  I don’t think I’ve ever seen an ugly girl from Venezuela

My sister:  When have you ever seen any other girl from Venezuela?

Me:  The Miss Universe pageant 

My sister:  Right, ‘cause that’s where you will see all the ugly girls from Venezuela

Me:  I really wish I could dance like her

My sister:  Hell yeah, I do too.  It doesn’t matter what your face looks like, if you can move your body like that, then you’re not going home alone.