5th Annual Beer Olympics

The 5th Annual Beer Olympics were in full force this past weekend in Charleston, South Carolina, and it was quite a spectacle... mainly because our host Catherine doesn't do anything half-ass.  We are talking about the girl who had a baby eight months ago and just ran the Chicago Marathon last week.  On Saturday she organized events and port-a-potties, chips and Chick-fil-A (and okra??), and plenty and plenty of beer.  By mid afternoon last Saturday, she had forty Olympians competing for the ultimate prize:  bragging rights and the ability to display this beauty proudly on the formal living room mantle.

However, 

Here's how the (pending) National Holiday played out:
Once all the Olympians and spectators arrived, partners were drawn.  It's the most serious and anxious part of the day.  If you're competitive, then you really don't want to be paired with someone who can't catch a frisbee.  If all you care about is drinking, then you really don't want to be paired with someone who's going to be mad at you for not catching a frisbee.  Seriously people, this is stressful.

**BATTLESHIP**

Jumbo-sized battleship.  Sink a coordinate?  It's a shot of beer with those cups your mom keeps in the bathroom in the cup dispenser.  You know the size I'm talking about.  It's bigger than a shot glass.  It was my first event of the day and it wasn't a great event to start with... I was hoping more to ease into things instead of flying right out of the gate. 

**CORNHOLE**

You know, cornhole.  If you don't know, we can't be friends.

And we couldn't have played on a better set of boards.

**JENGA**

Last year this game was a buzz kill.  Teams were so concerned with winning that matches were lasting upwards of thirty minutes and people stopped drinking to concentrate.  Unacceptable Beer Olympics behavior.  The solution?  This year the Jenga blocks were placed on a wobbly table on uneven grass.  And the kicker?  While you were trying to be Steady Steven, your partner had to Waterfall until your move was over.  Jenga was hard this year.

**ICE CUBE TRAY**

Completely fill an ice cube tray with beer.  Using a straw, it's a relay race to see which team can empty their trays the fastest.  You also had to decide whether to use a fat straw or skinny straw (hardest decision of the day).  

**CAN JAM**

Some frisbee game.  I can't throw or catch a frisbee.  Thank God I had an amazing partner.  

It's a trash-can-looking-thing with a little slit.  You get the frisbee in that slit and game over.  But that never happens, so you get points with your partner by hitting the can with the frisbee or knocking the frisbee inside the can or some other circus-like maneuvers.  All the while holding a beer in one hand.

**BEERSBEE**

Another frisbee game.  I still can't throw or catch a frisbee.  Thank God for Noelle.

This one involves a beer bottle on top of a pole.  Knock the beer bottle off the pole and you get points.  But you get more points if you catch the bottle before it hits the ground.  All the while holding a beer in one hand.

**BASEBALL QUARTERS**

This was our last event and I don't even know if we played by the right rules at this point in the day.  But everyone knows how to play baseball.  And everyone knows how to play quarters.  Use your imagination and put the two together.  At least that's how we played. 

**BEER PONG**

**CONNECT FOUR**

You can win vertical, horizontal... and yes, Lonnie, you can also win diagonal.

**BALLOON POP**

I saved the best event for last.  You are never too old or professional to attach a balloon to your butt, hopscotch down a flat ladder, chug your beer, then get humped by your partner to pop your balloon.   

You are also never too old or professional to watch it in slow motion and not think it's hilarious.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

Once all twenty teams competed in all ten events, the four teams with the best records duked it out in the Final Four.  I have no idea if it was a closey or not because I was too busy playing flip cup, but congrats to Frank and Jay.  You are the champions of this years' Beer Olympics.

Miscellaneous Awards

And then this happened...
It all started as a simple game of flip cup.

 But the five year old in us couldn't let go of the balloon pop game.

And the next thing we knew we were playing the ultimate relay flip cup game.  Can't top this.

Once again, I can't wait until next year as it is one of my favorite holidays.  And look out... I'm coming in hot next year with some frisbee skills.  Keep training, y'all!

4th Annual Beer Olympics: Goat Island

Last year, the 3rd Annual Birthday Backyard Beer Olympics were excellent.  I know because it ended like this:

Every year the expectations keep increasing and Mrs. Owen has yet to disappoint.  Beer Olympics has gradually increased in size each year and this year we finally outgrew the birthday girl's backyard.  So the 4th Annual Birthday Backyard Beer Olympics were moved to Goat Island.

Goat Island is a small 4-mile island that is only 200 yards off the Isle of Palms in Charleston, South Carolina.  This island is 1) inhabited by goats and 2) only accessible by boat.  In other words, it is awesome.

goats relaxing and observing the Beer Olympics action

Olympians boarding the ferry headed to Goat Island

Last year, the Olympians came adorned in costumes.  This year, the unique and original t-shirts were the highlight of the Olympics.  Everyone was just so gosh-darn funny.

Celebrating your first wedding anniversary at Beer Olympics:  winning

P.S.  not surprised

It takes both to be a Beer Olympian

South Carolina + Goat + Beer = 4th Annual Beer Olympics

Yep.

So get off your seat and jump around 

...or soup ...or unlimited breadsticks 

No sunrise is complete without tequila

I boarded that train five years ago and am now in first class

Evan Jason Segal was in attendance... without Sarah Marshall

No Olympics are complete without Team America

T-shirt runner up:  John Smith and his Saturday and Sunday wives

T-shirt winner:  Jay-Z and Beyonce

Me: last year's 3rd Annual Beer Olympics blog had over 6000 views

When I got off the ferry, I felt like I had just walked onto the TV set for the show Survivor held somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.  It honestly had a magical feeling.  I kept waiting for Survivor's host, Jeff Probst, to pop out from behind a tree.

Everyone showed up on Goat Island with their game faces on.  However, the weather was not cooperating and Beer Olympics were under an hour delay due to lightening and monsoon rains.  The 50 or so Olympians were snuggled into two groups under two different tents to avoid becoming completely drenched.  One tent had all the food.  The other tent had all the beer.  When you have all the beer and an one hour delay... there's only one thing that makes sense:  a power hour.  Once the power hour started, it was decided early that the Beer Olympic champions would not come from the Power Hour tent... we were even thinking some of those under the Power Hour tent might not even make kick-off.

The Power Hour stopwatch

The Power Hour tent aka the fun tent (with the one minute siren = DRINK)

The Food Tent aka the boring tent

Once the rain and lightening took a lunch break, the first plan of action was drawing partners for the day.  Partners were drawn at random and many took this as a serious act of business.  Those who cared about winning prayed they would be paired with Lonnie (the 77 inch tall baseball player who had more athleticism than 80% of the drunk girls there combined).  And those who didn't care about winning prayed they they would be paired with someone who also didn't care so they could just drink and not stress about how to throw a frisbee.

I was paired with Dexter who was a friend of a friend.  And who was from the Bahamas.  And who didn't understand the concept of any of our American drinking games.  BUT, Mr. Dexter was a basketball player who once roomed with Tyler Hansbrough at a basketball camp and it was a match made in sweet Beer Olympic heaven. 

There were thirteen events this year... and here's a rundown on how to be a Beer Olympian:

*WATER BALLON TOSS*

The same game we've been playing since field day in kindergarten.

*TWISTER*

stretching was a very important stratedgy

as was wearing deodorant 

and using Summer's Eve

*BATTLESHIP*

The Milton Bradley plastic board game came to life for Beer Olympics... of course with shots of beer.

*CHECKERS*

This game will not be renewed for the 2015 games due to time constraints.  Apparently, no one remembered how to play checkers because we are no longer six years old.  Olympians set up the game with checkers on different grids and the judges never noticed the error.  This game was just too hard and too long for 30 year old beer drinkers. 

*BEERS BEE*

My second to least favorite game.  Why?  Because I hate frisbees.  If you actually want to know about this game, then please see last year's blog for more details.  I don't want to relive the horror.

*JENGA*

This game will also not be renewed for the 2015 games.  As soon as the Olympians set foot on the Jenga stage, the drinking stopped and the seriousness started.  That is not appropriate behavior for Beer Olympics.  A Jenga game that lasts for more than thirty minutes is a huge buzz kill.

*DIZZY BAT*

Wear a helmet, chug your beer, place your head on a bat, spin around 5 times, and attempt to run twenty yards down and back.  By far, the funniest (and most dangerous) game of the day.

Wrong way, Marcus!

*CORN HOLE*

If I have to explain this game to you, then you don't qualify to be an Olympian.

*ELEPHANT GAME*

This was by far my favorite game.  If this video doesn't make you want to attach a tennis ball to your hat and walk around all day knocking over things, then we can't be friends.  And the self-entertainment factor is huge.

*KAN JAM*

My least favorite game.  Go read last year's blog for more details on how to throw a damn frisbee.

*ICE CUBE TRAY GAME*

First team to suck all the beer out of their ice tray wins.

a little trash talking before the final round

*BEER PONG*

What Beer Pong winners look like :)

*RED NECK GOLF*

A tailgating favorite.  To learn more about this game, go read last year's blog.  I think you get it by now... READ LAST YEAR'S BLOG.

Due to the unpredicted longevity of several games, weather delays, and the time constraints of our rented backyard, we didn't get to finish the entire round robin of events.  Despite not having time for an elimination round, we still had winners... because someone had to take home these adorable trophies.  So the winners this year were determined by their win-loss record in the games played. 

All the winners were booed.  But that's expected because:

4th Annual Birthday Beer Olympics

Keep practicing y'all.  See ya next year!