However,
Once all the Olympians and spectators arrived, partners were drawn. It's the most serious and anxious part of the day. If you're competitive, then you really don't want to be paired with someone who can't catch a frisbee. If all you care about is drinking, then you really don't want to be paired with someone who's going to be mad at you for not catching a frisbee. Seriously people, this is stressful.
**BATTLESHIP**
Jumbo-sized battleship. Sink a coordinate? It's a shot of beer with those cups your mom keeps in the bathroom in the cup dispenser. You know the size I'm talking about. It's bigger than a shot glass. It was my first event of the day and it wasn't a great event to start with... I was hoping more to ease into things instead of flying right out of the gate.
**CORNHOLE**
You know, cornhole. If you don't know, we can't be friends.
And we couldn't have played on a better set of boards.
**JENGA**
Last year this game was a buzz kill. Teams were so concerned with winning that matches were lasting upwards of thirty minutes and people stopped drinking to concentrate. Unacceptable Beer Olympics behavior. The solution? This year the Jenga blocks were placed on a wobbly table on uneven grass. And the kicker? While you were trying to be Steady Steven, your partner had to Waterfall until your move was over. Jenga was hard this year.
**ICE CUBE TRAY**
Completely fill an ice cube tray with beer. Using a straw, it's a relay race to see which team can empty their trays the fastest. You also had to decide whether to use a fat straw or skinny straw (hardest decision of the day).
**CAN JAM**
Some frisbee game. I can't throw or catch a frisbee. Thank God I had an amazing partner.
It's a trash-can-looking-thing with a little slit. You get the frisbee in that slit and game over. But that never happens, so you get points with your partner by hitting the can with the frisbee or knocking the frisbee inside the can or some other circus-like maneuvers. All the while holding a beer in one hand.
**BEERSBEE**
Another frisbee game. I still can't throw or catch a frisbee. Thank God for Noelle.
This one involves a beer bottle on top of a pole. Knock the beer bottle off the pole and you get points. But you get more points if you catch the bottle before it hits the ground. All the while holding a beer in one hand.
**BASEBALL QUARTERS**
This was our last event and I don't even know if we played by the right rules at this point in the day. But everyone knows how to play baseball. And everyone knows how to play quarters. Use your imagination and put the two together. At least that's how we played.
**BEER PONG**
**CONNECT FOUR**
You can win vertical, horizontal... and yes, Lonnie, you can also win diagonal.
**BALLOON POP**
I saved the best event for last. You are never too old or professional to attach a balloon to your butt, hopscotch down a flat ladder, chug your beer, then get humped by your partner to pop your balloon.
You are also never too old or professional to watch it in slow motion and not think it's hilarious.
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS
Once all twenty teams competed in all ten events, the four teams with the best records duked it out in the Final Four. I have no idea if it was a closey or not because I was too busy playing flip cup, but congrats to Frank and Jay. You are the champions of this years' Beer Olympics.
Miscellaneous Awards
It all started as a simple game of flip cup.
Once again, I can't wait until next year as it is one of my favorite holidays. And look out... I'm coming in hot next year with some frisbee skills. Keep training, y'all!
